By The BTSH Committee on Fact-Finding

Third Star: Russell Hamilton for sitting front row during the Rotten Math v. Meg Touch shootout.

Word is that when the Commissioner S. Hicks looked over and saw Russell sitting there before her attempt she said “Fucking idiot, let me show him how hockey is really done.” Then she put on an amazing fake and burned the Keeper. Then it was Eli’s turn and Eli knew Russell was booing and booing hard—which is why he put together his best move, ended the game, brought his finger to his mouth, and silenced the Russ. Unfortunately for both of them this was exactly the outcome Russell was going for—and like any good double secret agent—he manipulated them into thinking he didn’t want them to do this so that they would do it. Pure genius by Russ.

Second Star: Russell Hamilton (and honorable mention to Yetter) who managed to call the game of the season without wasting anyone’s time with ANY high-ball whistles.

Wow, did both teams play a great game thanks to the refs. Glnzr, who is a confirmed hockey genius, told Mike T, Scott, Jeff, and Gil exactly how they could score to win the game. Glnzr credited Russ as the key to success, because even ball hockey’s Bill Belichick knows his team’s effort and success should be credited to the refs of that game. Even in defeat someone overheard Gabe who was overcoming a back injury (and still managed to play an awesome game) say “Wow. We were good. Marco had two goals, Ryan K, and Braun each scored but full credit has to go to the Refs for being perfect out there.”

P.S. good luck to Gabe with the birth of his new baby girl coming out anytime now (as always full credit to Russ for inspiring him to have sex)!

First Star: Russell Hamilton!

He was on the same team as JJ, Will G., and Tom L., who all managed to put up two goals in one game. He also showed support and tapped the pads of Casca who put up the best shutout of the season for any goalie ever (thanks to support from Russ). We should mention Russell did manage to have one assist in the game. Lots of people were saying it was the most important assist.

Honorable mentions:

Scotty K – For being the man and leading the Lbs to a win. This guy rocks! Love seeing Scott be successful (mostly). Full Credit to Russ for telling Scott about Blink-182.

Tadpole – For providing the provider with the gift that keeps on giving….the Chop Cheese! The ultimate New York Bodega sandwich. Full Credit to Russ for asking Jack what a Chop Cheese is.

Olivier & Julie – For working as a team and managing to both play their hockey games this Sunday despite parenting duties. Full Credit to Russ for bulling them into playing.

Goalie Becca – For the goal of the day with a turnaround snipe top corner from around half court. Full credit to Russ for heckling her into shooting the puck.

Dan H – For putting on a clinic of a game, contributing to all three of Skyfighter’s regulation goals and scoring in the (lol) shootout as well. Full Credit to Russ for having hockey tape in his bag in case Dan needed some.

AliCat – She is Russ’s assistant and agreed to sign a contract to come on full-time. Full Credit to Russ for going on Hinge.