By christo_the_hawk and Dingle McCringle

Who are some of the dads we’ve managed to con nicely ask to participate? We’ve got Olivier and Will from Cobra Kai, Iannis from Gremlins, Gil and Walsh from Fuzz, Gabe from Fresh Kills, Justin from Math, Sean from Rainbows and Ed from What the Puck. Keep reading if you want answers to burning questions like the ever-persistent dad-core rivalry of New Balance vs Asics shoes.

What’s your favorite part about being a dad?

Olivier: When my kid naps.

Will: Stroller Beers and watching him learn new tricks. 

Iannis: It’s cheesy, but getting a smile and a big hug from the boy never gets old. 

Gil: My kids are all adults so my role has changed considerably. The best part of being a Dad is knowing that what I tried to impart makes much more sense to them today.  The older they get, the more appreciation they seem to have for the love and guidance I have to offer. 

Walsh: For all of the younger Dads out there (and Moms too!) I have to say that all of those sleepless nights caring for infants, early child rearing, driving them around to all of their events and being supportive of their activities, knowing when to say no and knowing when let go and let them learn for themselves……all of these things pay off someday.  Because eventually they do grow into wonderful people who you just love spending time with.  

So my role has morphed into more of an unpaid “life coach” and friend which I am totally relishing.  Every phase is different as they grow up and each one has its plusses and minuses, but this phase now where you get to see all of the hard work of parenting pay off is really my favorite part.

Gabe: Peppa Pig. Great discovery. The French translation is pretty good too. Erma, my wife, sometimes catches me chuckling at a joke from Peppa Pig and rolls her eyes. Outside of Peppa, my one daughter (so far), Ophelia, just makes every activity better. Tough to pinpoint anything specific, that’s my favorite part.    

Justin: I created something that, with time and luck, will take care of me when I’m old. Also, they’re adorable and watching them learn and grow into their own person is amazing.

Sean: Teaching them to do lots of cool shit.

Ed: Eve surprises us every day with something very random and new that makes Colleen and I burst into laughter. As of this writing, it was her putting her bowl in her mouth, then flipping all of the food onto her face while throwing her hands up in the air. Great goal celebration.

And your least favorite?

O: Living in fear that he might be like Russ when he grows up.

W:  Poops.

I: Kids can get on your nerves in so many creative ways, but let’s keep this hockey: the boy *loves* to troll me about the fortunes of a certain hapless Toronto hockey team…

G: There’s an old adage that you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.  I have four kids so as you might imagine, being a Dad can be a constant emotional roller coaster. 

W: Paying child support. 100%

G: I think people will be thinking about the lack of sleep, the diapers and so on as the main negatives. To me, not being able to travel the same way, having to negotiate which hockey league I can afford to play timewise (which is fair), that’s the worst part. Being a dad also means I’m the oldest guy on my roller team (still median age in fresh kills) and in my head, it’s not registering that I’m older than Russ and especially Yetter, but I’m definitely perceived as the dad on the team.    

J: Kids are super fucking expensive. It was only after I had both of them I read that each kid will cost about $1 million to raise and get out of the house. Please join my campaign to bring back paid child labor.

E: Whenever something terrible happens to a kid now on TV or in a movie, it breaks me hard.

What’s one thing your kid has done so far that’s made you proud?

O: The first time he waved and meant it. After a few weeks he stopped doing it and he has been a disappointment ever since.

W: He unbuckled his bouncer and fell out but didn’t cry. 

I: So many… let’s go with how he picked up and really taken off on piano this past year. His wrist shot has also really improved over the pandemic. 

G: I’m very proud of all my kids and everything they stand for and have accomplished, but in the interest of being brief, I’ll share that my only daughter is a six-time Irish Dancing World Champion. 

W: From a sports perspective, my youngest was the point guard on her basketball team which won her league championship. From a college exploits perspective, my oldest can drink 7 Four Loko’s and not pass out in the street.

G: All the milestones kids go through, whether Ophelia is early or late in doing them (which I try not to track too closely), make me so proud. When Ophelia cries while being held by someone else, whether that’s my wife, friends or in-laws, and reaches for me cause she only wants to be held by me, deep inside I’m so proud.  

J: My older daughter Nadia read all the Harry Potter books in less than six months, which was amazing and really impressive to watch. My youngest, Audrey, puked up a blue raspberry slurpee next to our court during Math’s opening game, so she’s well on the way to following in my footsteps as a BTSHer.  

S: Donovan scored a goal on me one time. I was mad at first but then it brought a proud tear to my eye.

E: She has a best friend at daycare! She made friends about 30 years faster than I did. The teachers call them “Thelma and Louise”  (Walker assured me that Charlotte is too young to get this reference). 

Which BTSH team, besides your own, would you want your kid to play on when they grow up and why?

O: Mega Touch, so he can have a walking milk tank with him every game. More importantly because he’d be the best player on that team, even now.

W: Butchers. Good people. 

I: This is tough… let’s go with a team that knows how to have some fun, Anklebiters

G:  Interestingly, all of my boys have played games in BTSH, acting as subs on both the Happy Little Elves and Fuzz.  They are not permitted to play for any team their Dad doesn’t play on.  Outplaying me or contributing in any way to my team losing would be completely unacceptable. 

W: So I know I’m not allowed to pick my own team.  But I did check with Jeff and Rich (Hi Rich…..It’s Walsh) and they both informed me that Fuzz does not have a “Legacy Clause” in its bylaws.  So my kids are learning the hard life lesson that nothing is handed to you.  

I also did speak to my girls about this and brought up Gut Rot.  They are fun and I thought they would fit right in.  They both asked if they would be hugged by that shirtless guy.  I said do you mean Ellery?  They said yeah.  I said good point, you are both learning life quickly (although I did point out that shirtless guy is quite the Dad!)

I then brought up the Butchers.  First of all, both of my kids are carnivorous.  Secondly, despite their scary logo, the Butchers are a very kid friendly team.  And finally, they both like Rachel “that girl who is nice to us when you drag us to the Rose Charity Tournament”.  So it all checks out – the Butchers.

G: Which teams are left after Covid again? Ophelia is fearless (which makes me fearful) and runs wildly and I don’t know when that will change. Whatever team has the most doctors in it by 2035. I’m not comfortable enough with any one full roster to speculate on which team is least likely to have smart enough babies to then have doctors, but I definitely encourage people to chime in. 

J: As long as they don’t grow up to be Hookers, I’m all good.

S: Unicorns. Do they still exist? If so, unicorns. They had Craig Lasomething and Mike Myers

E: Probably Elves. Back story: I was looking through my emails and the first BTSH people I think I ever talked with are Glanzer, Chadwick, and one of the Hemsworth brothers. I don’t really remember who played for the Elves in this list, but I think they’re making a comeback.

Backup team: Math Rot, until little Liam James Hogg, the captain of Why the Pucks (Gen Z’s meta-rebrand), acquires her as a unique “three-way player” two years into her Math Rot stint.

Does your partner/significant other/ladies in general find New Balances or ASICS to have more sex appeal?

O: Either, as long as they are all white and are worn with white socks pulled up to the middle of the calf.

W: I dunno but she really likes Feiyue. 

I: New Balance “I can’t even picture what ASICS look like”, and I quote. 

G: My wife does not like either brand, hence my preference for Nike.

W: I took a poll of all of the millennial girls in my life.  It’s a good thing this question came in two weeks ago, because it took me that long to tabulate the results.  The responses varied from “I like you in nothing” (which I at first thought meant barefoot) to “Neither – wear Nike”.  But ASICS was the clear winner in this contest.

G: My humor and running shoes have been ready for parenthood for years. Erma has no preference between the 2 brands, but I’ll look her in the eyes when I rip a dangling piece of rubber from the sole of my shoe, cause I ran so intensively that day, and woah she likes that.    

J: I mean, it’s gotta be ASICS right? It sounds like you’re saying A Sex, so it’s right in the name. New Balances are dope though. 

S:  I’m single so I could care less.

E: Colleen knows I’ve worn the exact same shoe for about 10 years and that’s not changing any time soon… but between the two, she says ASICS.