by Ash K

Dingle’s 90’s themed around the league struck a chord of nostalgia so this week’s previews are all about the original 151 Pokemon. 

Butchers vs Riots

The Butchers are clearly Marowak. Adorable but deadly, just like Akhil! The Riots, true to their Tompkins heritage, will be the most hawk-like pokemon, Pidgeot. In a typical fight, Marowak beats Pidgeot and the Butchers beat the Riots 4-0.

Fuzz vs Rehabs

Rehabs are Nidoqueen, need I say more? Yasss (Nido)queens. Fuzz is Graveler because, well, look at him!!! Nidoqueens are more agile than a buff pile of rocks (no offense, Rich). Rehabs win 3-0. 

Lbs vs Karma

Gonna give Karma Raichu. Not a third evolution but the only evolution for pikachu and still pretty powerful. LBS is Mew Two because they’ve lost two finals (heheheh). Mew Two still beats most pokemon (except for Ash’s pikachu but that’s a whole other story) so Lbs eeke by 3-2.

Ankle Biters vs Fresh Kills

With 4 arms, Machamp is probably a lean, mean, goal scoring machine—just like the current FK team. Also just looks absolutely terrifying in general. Raticate, the evolved form of Rattata, are the Ankle Biters not only for its obvious penchant to bite, but due to its scrappy nature and being the 20th pokemon in the pokedex (kinda like how Phil has been in the league for so long). FK wins it 4-0 (one for each arm). 

Rotten Math vs Sky Fighters

I’m not going to take the easy way out and give Sky Fighters an arial Pokemon. No, they are Wartortle and they will fuck you up. Also look at that calculating grin and tell me that’s not Emily. I can’t put my finger on why but Math Rot gives off big Mr Mime energy. Weird, agile, just crazy enough to sometimes pull off a successful attack. A strange matchup that makes for an interesting battle but Wartortle is on the warpath and Sky Fighters win 4-2.

Filthier vs Hookers

Filthy is Persian (the evolved form of Meowth) and the terrifying personal Pokemon of Giovanni, the head honcho of Team Rocket—needless to say this big cat means business. Hookers are Zubat mostly because it appears a lot of their dudes have a big wingspan. A giant, merciless cat chomps on a pesky bat any day. Filthy 2-0. 

Demons vs Poutine

Poutine is Poliwrath and Demons are Tentacruel. These high level water-type pokemon are gonna cause quite the clash. And this hot headed matchup is gonna cause some tempers to flare on both sides. Lots of cheap shots, 3-3 tie, and Poutine prevails in OT. 

Cobra Kai vs Mega Touch

Now that I’ve gotten to the end of this writeup I’m fairly certain I did this themed preview a few years back but I’m just gonna keep going because hopefully there’s no evidence of it on the old site. The dojo is Arbok for obvious snake-induced reasons. Mega is Butterfree—looks non threatening but will fuck you up. (Editor’s note: I have a fear of butterflies thanks to an incident at the zoo when I was 6). Tight game but Cobra Snakes get the W 3-2. 

Gremlins vs Dark Rainbows

Alright so Rainbows are clearly Wigglytuff and Gremlins are Kadabra. Fairy vs Psychic is an interesting matchup but Psychic just might prevail in the final moments of battle. 4-3 Gremlins win.  

Bonus: WTP is Dragonite. A more adorable version of charizard imho. Still dangerous tho.