by Russ

We (your media overlords) gave Glnzr off for his birthday today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICH) and unfortunately commissioner Russ decided to fill in for writing stars this week.

Third Star – Ben Chadwick

Ben scored all of the goals for both teams in the Mega vs. Butchers game. Just like Lou Williams, whose shoes Chadwick was rocking during the game, he was coming off the bench just dominating play. He was so good an unnamed former Olympian broke her stick in frustration and said “He’s the best I’ve ever seen!” After the game, a former unnamed Yale hockey alumni was overheard saying “I don’t know why I went to play at Yale…I should have gone wherever he was trained.”

Second Star – Craig & da Biters

Without the presence of their star captain “Ben Bachelor Party”, Craig and his ragtag group of bitters took down a formidable Fresh Kills team in a shootout in spite of the best efforts of “George the goal scoring goalie”* who put in a hat trick. But at the end of the day it was the veteran leadership of Chewy, Joe P, and “shot blocking Sarah” that took home the glory. 

*Editor’s note: I’m pretty sure ROTY ’21 Louis is the goalie of the FK Five but we’ll just have to settle this at 7B on a random saturday night.

First Star – Cheeky, Nico, and Scottiieee (blink 182 guy)

They all refereed 3 games on sunday! What a performance! Yes, they may make $20 for drinking cold beers while they are reffing (and you can too!!) But that’s not why they are doing it. They are doing it to give back to a league that gives so much to them, and It’s important that we all remember that this league can only run if we ALL put in! And while there are some teams (Filthier) who forget the importance of having some of their players ref, we still know that they are good people and will come around eventually, because at the end of the day we want the same thing –  two people on neither team that we can blame the result on. And it’s only by signing up to ref that you can  help people achieve their dreams or give them an excuse for why things didn’t go their way.

Honorable mention:

Rubins – who got taken down and took a gnarly slide on the pavement, but got up tapped himself up and went out there to finish the game. 

Allison and Roberts –  for taking the time to give back and reffing their first game this week.

Rich & Walsh – played some lockdown D in their win over a very sexy Cobra Kai team.

Mia – For being the Ice queen and bringing ice for the people.

Russell – he looked really jacked and had a hot sexy sick goatee and it totally gave the courts the feel of an exclusive night club.*

Editor’s note: first-hand eye-witness accounts state he didn’t actually look that jacked