by Glnzr

I wanted to give the Three Stars to James, Ann and Sena…three BTSH greats playing their last games this Sunday (though everyone always comes back). Unfortunately, a historic performance, a classy gesture and a Mafia like strong arm tactic makes all 3 leave in tears, with at best a Participation Trophy. Scroll to the bottom to see if they got it!
Third Star: Friedman 

In my early 20s, I drove a coffee truck. A guy would give me like $50 worth of magazines, for his $5 worth of food. I’m sure he got the magazines for free, and I resold the magazines and kept the profits. Life was good. One day this random stranger comes up to me and says, “Stop selling the magazines.” I didn’t know who he was, but I figured he knew something I didn’t, so out of sheer cowardice I stopped my money laundering profit making magazine sales. 

This brings me to Friedman, who gets a star, not for his gameplay, but for him strong arming the media into only giving Karma players stars. Now, I’m much older and while still a coward, I’d rather Friedman chop off my knees than go back to giving women stars for crushing the Lbs., a over the hill hasbeen like Isaac for, “playing an insane defensive game” or give some dude named Kevin love for making a nice pass and a “heavy shot” that let’s be honest, was definitely above his waist. Do what you will to me for not following orders, but if you so much touch Hero, you’ll get these hands. 

Second Star: The Dave’s and Giuseppi

Dave GDR has quit the Riots. Much like the Giuseppi Logan, the great Tompkins Square Park saxophonist (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E99hQ-FdFE) Dave still comes to the rink, looking to play. Greenwald told Dave he could play the first half, and God himself…who are we kidding, Giuseppi, rewarded the Dave’s with a shutout. Extremely classy move Greenwald. This is what BTSH is all about. That and winning. (Oh, and mandatory Dave GDR is the most underrated BTSH goalie of all time.) 

First Star: Dana Sky Fighters

Dana scored a natural hat trick for the Sky Fighters. Do you know how I know? Because literally every Sky Fighter emailed, texted, Facebook Messaged or What’s Apped me. I asked Emily for a quote and she said, “After leading the sky fighters in goals in 2019 Dana has quickly gotten back to her scoring form (a team leading 5 goals in just three games) by putting in a hat trick.” I’ve never been so disappointed in Emily in my life. That’s the quote? Did she get that from Dana’s Wikipedia? (Sadly, after a very brief search it appears Dana has not made Wikipedia, but she did graduate from Cornell as did Andrew Bernard, or Drew as he likes to be called). Anyways Dana, great game, congrats on the first star, and please never score again! My data rates went through the roof. 

Participation Trophies:

Mike T. Fuzz. He had five goals, that’s 2 more than 3 which is the most Liam has ever scored this season. 

Tim K. Though he’s not as good a goalie as Campbell, he did get a shutout. 

Chadwick: I debated about giving him the 3rd Star for his two goals for the Butchers in a 3-2 win. Guy has more goals than games played this year. 

Cat (Rainbows) I asked Jess about her game and she said Cat played really well. So I’m going to be the bigger person and despite our heated rivalry, give her a Participation Trophy.She’s going to be so pissed I’m more gracious than her, it’s going to kiiiiill her!

Sorry Sena, Ann, James, Hicks is already going to mock me for all these participation trophies. Safe travels my friends.