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Playoff Previews – “Elite” Eight

By Le Medía

Well folks, we’re nearly at the end of the season and after Sunday, only four teams will remain. Who they’ll be is anyone’s guess, but your favorite band of misfit media members took a stab at predicting the outcomes. Enjoy! (or don’t—we’re pretty indifferent about it)

Fresh Kills v Filthier

Jess: Filthier may have bested the Sky Fighters but I don’t see them getting away with beating Fresh Kills. Not with Gabe, the FK Five, Ariel magically being back from Florida every weekend, and the Colby farm system (+ most underrated nominee /last game’s goal scorer, Sheena). 

Filthier has done way better than people gave them credit for this season with some good pickups but it’s just not enough. If Fresh Kills can pull this off they get Meg back the following weekend. Prediction: FK 4-1.

Ariel’s alleged license plate seen on I-95 driving up from FL to NY (Jk, we all know he flies private)

Steven: I gave up four goals to FIlthier in two games. I gave up five goals to Fresh Kills in one game. So by that logic, Fresh Kills will win. 

Fuzz v Hookers

Dingle: Hookers have been played with fire these past two weeks—playing do-or-die hockey in an OT game against Butchers two weeks ago and a (lol) shootout against Mega last week. Will all those extra minutes contribute to some overall sluggishness in this game? No, but the hangovers sure might. 

Jess: An anonymous source said the Hookers’ girls are better than Fuzz’s girls (Ryann, do NOT beat me up pls) and with Cutler gone, I am inclined to agree with said anonymous source. But it’s tough to imagine a team that barely scraped by against the Butchers and Mega to beat Fuzz – a team with at least 3 dudes who live in NJ and live by the motto ‘men’s league ball hockey is lyfe’ – Fuzz wins this one. 

Jess’ anonymous source

Steven: Charlotte from Fuzz is off coaching Team USA in a world championship roller tournament and will miss the game. Fuzz will struggle but they have a deep bench. The only way Hookers win is if Jack scores four goals. No pressure bud.

Cobra Kai v Demons

Glnzr: On paper, this is the right team for the Demons to pull off a massive upset. The Demons have a couple of scorers and the one weakness CK has is they have to work for all their goals. 

But that’s literally CK’s only weakness.  After playing them 3 times in semis/finals there is just no way CK loses. 5-0 for CK.  

Dingle: Honorable mention to Demons last week for playing with the shortest of short benches. I think they had only six or seven total players, so job well done last week. As far as this week goes, I agree with Glnzr (e gasp) in the sense that this is a major trap game for The Dojo. Yes, on paper Cobra Kai may have a deeper roster, but don’t sleep on the fact that Neil and Yeff—aka Jeff—can score some goals. I’ll peg this (hehe) as a closer one than anticipated, but CK still pulls out (hehe again) the win, 4-2. 

Poutine v Vertz

Jess: This one is gonna be spicy. I think Poutine might have the slight offensive edge here but Vertz have lock-down D + Tim K (love u Jeff). This is definitely going to overtime but if it goes to a shoot out I think Vertz win it. 

Glnzr: For what BTSH is, this may be the best coaching job in the history of the league. Mikey had a mass exodus and somehow got his team to have one of the best seasons ever. If there was an MVP of the league, he’d get my vote. But now he must face the team that poached some of his players. 

Meanwhile, the Vertz pulled off one of the biggest upsets in BTSH playoff history. I mean player for player it’s not that big an upset as the Vertz had a shit reg season but are obviously good. But I imagine 100% of the people not on the Vertz and certainly Cutler (who often bets against her team in the playoffs) thought the Lbs. would win. I think Jess is wrong and it’s not going to OT, and the Vertz win 3-1. 

Dingle: I can’t wait to make a “Don’t Let The Vertz Get Hot (DLTVGH)” alternate jersey for next season. 

Hicks: We don’t say that phrase anymore. 

Coach Mikey?
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