Cobra Kai v Fresh Kills

Dingle: Well ladies and gentlemen, we’re back at it after a riveting All-Star weekend full of degenerate behavior and light beer. Hope the hangovers have all subsided. 

We’ve got a D1 rematch right off the bat on Sunday. FK and Cobra Kai played in Week 4, and FK pulled off the 3-1 victory. Cobra Kai have had far from an easy schedule so far this season, but then again, they’re playing in Division 1, and only strengthened their already solid team during the offseason. With Fresh Kills now without Meg, there’s a good amount of scoring that’ll need to be made up. Lucky for them, they’ve got both a top male and a top female league scorer in George and Cassie. 

Prediction: Cobra Kai score a late equalizer, but FK pull off the OT win, 4-3.

Jess: This isn’t about the game (sry) but I just wanted to say a very heartfelt thank you to the captains, players, volunteers, and spectators for making the all star game a success! 

Vertz v Hookers

Glnzr: When the Elves disbanded and Fuzz was created, I didn’t understand the hate. Fuzz came in 16th or 17th, lost in the playin round to Karma (which at the time sucked). Good players left their team to help out a terrible team. One of those players was B. Hicks. Now I know why we were hated.

So with the Vertz…I didn’t initially hate them. Sure they performed Prima Nocta on Cutler, but that’s the rist of Poaching Season.. But if someone doesn’t beat them soon…I’m gonna fuckin lose it. Let’s go Hookers! (Prediction Vertz 4, Hookers 1)

Rainbows v Poutine

23andMia: There are two things I like about this match up: 1)That Commissioner Nico went Rainbow after being on Poutine and 2)That Mikey built a winning squad. This says so much about these leader’s character. Nico might’ve upped the pressure for her responsibility to the league, but she offset it by joining a team who values “work/life” balance. Mikey stood undaunted by a great migration (you see, people, it happens to more than just the Sky Fighters) and rebuilt a solid squad who frankly, is having the last word. Poutine takes it 5-2, with the Rainbows shrugging it off.

Filthier v Anklebiters

23andMia: I’m realizing I don’t know what an anklebiter is and don’t feel like Googling if it’s hockey related or a sex reference. Maybe I’m naive… a Gremlin introduced me to the term “spinner” some years ago, explaining “YOU’RE a spinner”. (TYVM, I guess.) I also don’t know who will be the victor here. Filthier might be struggling a little compared to their former selves, but sometimes, the Biters do, too. Giving the edge to the Biters who will bring it a bit harder for the win.

Sky Fighters v Mega Touch

Glnzr: Too many people like Mega, so let’s give tips on how to beat them. Tash deceives players and often has the ability to actually go lateral. It’s deceitful and hurtful. Don’t fall for it. 

Prediction: The Sky Fighters fall for it and lose a heartbreaker 3-2 with 1 min left. 

Jess: It was actually Tash’s idea to totally steal the Rainbows’ jerseys so I’m okay with all of the above #cancelmega. But also Rich you should know better than to use screen shots from a different hockey league. But I’ll allow it because Tash must pay!!!

Butchers v Gremlins

Jess: The Butchers have won 0 games this year and the situation is looking pretty bad. The Gremlins have managed to slowly dig themselves out of their rut with 3 wins under their belt, one of those being a 4-0 win against the Butchers. Maybe this rematch energy will be what the Butchers need to light the fire, but probably not tbh. Prediction: Gremlins 3, Butchers 0.

Hornswoggle: A long time ago, BTSH was the type of league that guaranteed a day (or night, depending on when your game was) of hockey that involved players running unabashedly, scoring goals off the birdbath, taking a leak at a quiet underpass adjacent to the FDR, and drinking PBR’s at Welcome to the Johnsons. And until bobw decided there should be stats, the levels of competition, dedication to strategy, and fitness were hardly any criteria considered to play and remain in the league.

Do either the Butchers or Gremlins benefit by fighting tooth and nail to get their names on the scoresheet? Perhaps—though I can already say Walker will be first in TOI, an unrecorded stat, unfortunately. But I wrote the previous paragraph to say this: the match will be low-key giving Corlears vibes, the type of stuff I missed when I started the league in 2005. Not that they’re playing for nothing since there are points up for grabs, but I’m 1,000% confident this will be so much of a chill game that refs needn’t be present. I’m hoping Brady nets in a couple and Ben backchecks Rod with the longest hockey stick in the league… and that there are few whistles!

Demons v Bad Seeds

Hornswoggle: Most teams had interconference games in the beginning of the season, and I think we’re seeing a shift into divisional rivalries that will grow fiercer until September; at least that’s how it will be for some teams. But not these two—unless you’re Frey and you like to burn money thinking they’ll win their respective divisions. We’ve seen the Bad Seeds return to their roots, drinking tequila shots with the Gremmies three weeks back and just last Sunday I witnessed a noticeably more cohesive Demons squad despite the result not in their favor. Not that day drinking is a bad thing, but I suppose less drinking before and during the game may produce more optimal results. Demons to handily win but if the Seeds prove that Patron is the next Pedialyte, I’ll be the first to buy a bridge from a rando at Tompkins.

WTP v Lbs

23andMia: For those who don’t know, this match up features a marital rivalry: wife Emily on WTP and hubby Roberts on Lbs. Not sure if memory serves me correctly, but I feel like last year, this match up went to WTP, and when asked about it, Roberts said something like “Happy wife, happy life.” This year, I predict wifey won’t be so happy, especially with Hogg out with a shoulder injury (which we know does not make him happy). Lbs 4, WTP 1.

Fuzz v Karma

23andMia: For years, I have heard people watching Gil from Fuzz say things like, “I can’t believe how good he is at his age.” I always ask, “Why not?! Gil was probably as good as you when he was in his 20s. He takes care of himself and is smarter now than he was then.” During last week’s Fuzz vs Filthier game, I admitted to Gil, “I root for you all individually, but against you all collectively.” He didn’t know how to take that. I may still be rooting against Fuzz as an institution, but I think their immense wisdom will help them beat Karma 3-1.

Hornswoggle: Admittedly, any attempt to quell Fuzz’s offensive output is a tall order; very few (in fact, two) teams have taken opportunities to capitalize on their mistakes. Perhaps their losses came from temporary lapses of judgment, and that’s fine if the expectation is to win the following week. However—here enters Karma, a squad who, for one, slightly changed their branding but also sadly, their personnel. The OGs are the same, but major pieces have left/are set to leave. Nevertheless, significant talent remains up and down the lineup. As BTSH rolls on through the latter half of the season, Fuzz feels the ever-mounting pressure to prove their previous two championships weren’t flukes with high-profile matches like these. Goaltending sure will be important—Steve will have to channel the kind of focus he usually has in rivalry games (like Poutine’s), and Rich will probably have to pry Timmy from his vinyl if he wants the best outcome. In any case, Fuzz probably will emerge the victor by a one goal difference.

Glnzr: Does Jerome not realize we won in 2018 as well???

Riots v Agents

Jess: The media narrative so far has been that Eric’s goaltending skills have greatly given the Riots a bump but after playing the Riots sans Eric last week I think there are a lot more new, good players and solid veterans than we’ve realized. With all their personnel back this should be an easy one. 

Meanwhile, the Agents are still trying to find their footing but two of their players showed some promise (and scored some goals) in the All Star Game and if you can score goals after ingesting copious amounts of beer then you can score goals soberly on a Sunday!

Prediction: Riots 5, Agents 1.