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Week 12 Previews

Filthier v WTP

Steven: you gotta love Zac playing multiple different positions to give his team a chance. On the other hand, you really gotta hope WTP finds a strong tender to unleash Zac in an even more dangerous manner. Filthier is ok. Goes to LolShootout, and Emily clinches the winner for WTP.

JW: If the Salt Boyzzzz (there are 4, now) show up, this will be a tough one for The Pucks. With the loss of James, Ann, and Tim K. Filthier have been underperforming a bit this season, and the same goes with The Pucks since the loss of Ed. These teams have the exact same record (4-4) and this should be a good matchup. Dare I say Game Of The Week?

Prediction: This goes to OT, with Justin notching the game winner. 4-3, Pucks. 

Hornswoggle: The “strong tender” is in fact Hoggystyle and even with him in net, people still mustn’t underestimate a wily Filthier lineup. An upset in this division is still very palpable when the point gap between first and last is just two.

Jess: Ok time for the media to do their job and report on ‘news’. Last week WTP had another “strong tender” named Eli who, if you can believe it, takes up even more room in net than Hogg. In other media fun fact news, there is a Salt Boyz podcast (it runs mostly during hockey season since it’s about fantasy hockey)- check it out!

probably unprofessional to put multiple z’s in your podcast title

Fuzz v Fresh Kills

Steven: if Charlotte plays for Fuzz, I’m interested in this game. If she doesn’t, I don’t care. Charlotte cuts down FK if she plays, 1-0 Fuzz.

Rich: I am never showing Charlotte your preview. We’re all getting drunk the night before so I am only going to go 3-2 Fuzz in this one. 

this looks perfectly safe

Stoop Dogg: FK has something Fuzz doesn’t have, youth and stamina (theoretically…they all look in shape). Fuzz is a good team with some good players, but as they continue to age they will struggle against a team like Fresh Kills whose skill level in is arguably superior and are also predominantly ages south of 30. Sheena and George’s epic beard will lead Fresh Kills to victory 3-2. 

Hornswoggle: Rich getting drunk—wouldn’t we all love to see that! /s #notmysultan

Riots v Gremlins

Steven: really sucks for Gremlins. They have all this momentum, picking up two straight wins but they are about to run into a RIOT. Margot is so good, she scored on me last game, so I know first hand. She scores again, leading Riots to a 4-1 victory.

Stoop Dogg:  This should be a pretty exciting game, both teams play hard and are coming off of a series of wins. Both teams have solid foundations and frequently take their opponents by surprise with their hidden talents. The Riots goal scores are often Margot and Ian, while the Gremlins often share the glory. Unfortunately, Steven Friedman, one player doesn’t win a hockey game, especially with Jamie in net. 3-1 Gremlin victory.

Jess: Gremlins new player Nico (a dude with a Michigan hat, not our beloved commissioner) should have a fiery matchup with some of the Riots newcomers. We know Margot and Ian are good but tbh the ‘old school’ style of defense by Suz and Ashley is a good matchup to that of Allison and Walker. With 2 stellar goalies, it’s gonna come down to offense and team chemistry. I’d like to see an OT!!! PS – can Erich come back now? Asking for a friend. 

Karma v Cobra Kai

Stoop Dogg: This should be a very good game but both teams have one problem in common: numbers. Both teams have continuously struggled to fill their bench and it has hurt them, especially on the hotter days. The bare bones teams are both respectively very strong, they have hard hitting female contingents, and a number of guys who can dangle & snipe, not forgetting the lunatics who stand between the pipes and get shelled for fun. Ultimately it will come down to two things: 1. Numbers – can they field their teams? and 2. Which goalie showed up that day. Happy Pride, Steven Friedman! Going with Karma 3-1

23andMia: Fer sure BTSH is feeling the pain of folks giving Covid the middle finger, traveling despite this latest variant being more contagious than ever. I agree it’s been difficult for any team to field the same line-up week after week. Last Sunday brought the return of Liam and JJ to the Dojo, and with that came a power reminiscent of the force that boosted the team into D1. Gonna gamble on a repeat performance fueled even further by yet another return: this time by one Mr. Will G. Maybe there’ll even be a Yetter sighting. Going with CK 3-1 if this is the case.

Agents v Demons

Glnzr: The Agents learn what BTSH is really all about, lose 5-1, quit, and join a Zog kickball league.

23andMia: The Demons, still in mourning at the loss of Olivia Newton-John, eke out a small lead in a shaky first half. From the sidelines, Sammi — dressed not unlike leather Sandy in Grease— demands DRo get it together and lead the team in honor of their unborn child. The Demons surge ahead and prevail. The Agents quit and join a Zog kickball league.

Lbs v Vertz

Jess: I know certain people Hicks likes to say ‘don’t let the vertz get hot’ but I would also argue the point, ‘don’t let the vertz get cold’ (otherwise they’ll end up losing by 6 goals). They’re gonna need to lean heavily on Tim K and their solid array of defensemen/women to stop the offensive firepower of the Lbs. Prediction: pound town inevitable, Lbs 4 Vertz 1.

Glnzr: To be fair to Hicks, he thinks Cold Vertz are the worst team in the league. I think this will be like Col. in the spring. You’ll want your jacket as it can get chilly as the Lbs. win 4-2. 

Hornswoggle: Did we expect a complete shellacking from the Hookers on the Vertz right before the 10-minute monsoon? Absolutely not, but I’d have thought the Vegas Taco Bell gave Hicks some superpowers but it probably gave him super gas… not too beneficial for the team, really. Pervertz get pounded, I guess (strikethrough added because we keep it PG for the most part).

Sky Fighters v Butchers

Steven: Brady and the Butchers have mad potential. Their game against Poutine the other week got out of hand early, but the meat carvers eventually got disciplined, just too late. If the defensemen who played in a polo shirt against Poutine dons a polo for this game, it’ll be close. If there is no polo, Sky Fighters win, but closer than we think.

23andMia: What we’ve got here is a team who has yet to win this season and a team who hasn’t lost this season (in regulation). I really want the Butchers to win, but not against my team. I’m not gonna be around for this matchup cuz I’m giving Covid the middle finger and traveling. Guess that makes it slightly more comfortable to predict that the Sky Fighters (2 words) take it.

Rainbows v Mega Touch

Jess: We all know my feelings about this matchup. Hey Mega, make sure you wear your gray jerseys so you don’t dress IDENTICAL TO MY TEAM. Prediction: Rainbows 10-0 and we burn their pink jerseys and fling the ashes into the East River. Now someone else do a real hockey preview.

Glnzr: Rainbows 10-0 and we burn Mega’s pink jerseys (with them in it). Rainbows 10- Mega nothing but ashes.

JW: While I agree with Jess’ stance on #Jerseygate, I don’t think even the ‘Bows thirst for revenge can win them this game. Mega went from typically finishing 19th or so to being one of the most dangerous teams with one of the toughest forechecks. The Rainbows went from finishing 19th or so to……maybe finishing 17th or so? 

Prediction: Mega 5, ‘Bows 2. 

Jess: ACTUALLY we are ranked 16th at the moment. Can’t pass up an opportunity to correct Walker. 

i will literally hold this grudge until i die

Hookers v Anklebiters

Steven: ¡Viva Mas! ¡Viva Sarah! ¡Sarah Mas! ¡Viva Sarah Mas!  I had drinks with Sarah the other night. It was wild. Honestly, not sure how anyone can pick against the Biters if she’s playing. The 2021 “Tia L. Cinematic Moment of the Year” award winner scores and the Biters win 2-1.

Glnzr: If Sarah M ever plays against Margot, Charlotte from Fuzz, or the guy with the polo shirt from the Butchers Steve will prove that spontaneous human combustion exists. 4-2 Anklebiters. Beat a better team than the Vertz Hookers and I’ll be impressed. 

the media is considering putting a limit on how many times steven can write about sarah

Hornswoggle:

imagine taking the power rankings in a beer league this seriously

That last half especially made me cringe*—I mean yeah, you get paid but only if you’re reffing. All I hope is that Craig does a get off my lawn impression to Hookers loitering near his crease.

*Editor’s Note: It made us all cringe

Poutine v Bad Seeds

JW: There are like 3 players left on Poutine that anyone knows. After what was expected to be a rough rebuilding year, Poutine instead found a lot of really good players to replenish their decimated roster and can compete with the league’s top teams. Meanwhile the Bad Seeds still have many players who we all love to love. Can Diane, Zach, Perras, Kirky, Heather, Brad, and Dave GDR stop the juggernaut that is Poutine? Probably not, but if Jon M. shows up and scores a Texas hat trick this one could be close.

Prediction: Jon doesn’t show.  Poutine 6, Seeds 2. 

Stoop Dogg: It’s an old vs. new situation. Nobody is really sure who Poutine is anymore… they have Mike M still and that other fast guy, whose name I also think is Mike*? Basically it’s a whole new team, and their record suggests that they’re doing more than alright with this rebuild. Bad Seeds is your classic BTSH staple of OG league members who are there for a good time, and to bring those pesky whippersnappers back down to planet Earth. While the Bad Seeds will hold their own on the court – especially if their hard hitters like River Boat Jon M, The Other Scotty K, Zach Norris, Justin Perras, Amy, and Diane attend – they will ultimately fall to the New Poutine Machine. 5-1 in favor of the Canadian Delicacy. 

*Editor’s note: also known as Pags

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