Whose Name Will Go Alongside Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette’s?
Does The Nickname Get Engraved Too?
With one week remaining in the season, the race for the coveted BTSH scoring title is heating up. Here is a breakdown of the top contenders:
5. Corey “Chongo” Winters, What The Puck (15 goals): Chongo remains a long shot to win this competition as he has a lot of ground to make up, and no individual player has scored more than five goals in a game this season. Although What The Puck’s potent offense is certainly capable of providing him with ample opportunity, the goals usually spread out among all of the team’s talented attackers.
4. Jason Eitel, Corlears Hookers (15 goals): Eitel has missed the Hookers’ last two games with an injury, and his status for the upcoming weekend is still unknown. However, should he be able to play, he will have the benefit of playing a makeup game, in addition to his regularly scheduled one.
3. Karsten Pichon, LBS, Inc. (17 goals): Pichon has the ability to put in three or more goals in any given game, as he has already had a five goal game earlier this season (against the Happy Little Elves). However, he will be closely marked by a staunch Denim Demons defense (try saying that three times fast), in a game that has playoff seeding implications at stake for both teams.
2. Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, What The Puck (18 goals): Obviously similar to teammate Corey “Chongo” Winters, Woodsworth will benefit from What The Puck’s high-scoring offense. However, he will also be hamstrung by the broad distribution of goal scorers in captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s arsenal. Nevertheless, Woodsworth always brings a little something extra to the table…some might even say an “X-Factor”.
1. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, Cobra Kai (20 goals): Bratta currently has a two goal lead on his nearest competitor, and with two games left to play, he is clearly the odds-on-favorite to collect this honor. Of greater suspense might be his battle with the Happy Little Elves for total goals in a season, which he currently leads by two.
Birthday Wishes
The media would like to acknowledge Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, who celebrated her birthday on Sunday. To mark the occasion, the Mighty Squirrels honored her by presenting her with two boxes of delicious donuts and two less than delicious losses. Although most of the team joined A-Korn in the festivities, ass captain Marie Marberg opted for a Tupperware dish full of Swedish meatballs instead.
The media would also like to acknowledge Rehabs defender Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli, who celebrates her twenty-third birthday today (September 23). Although friends and family have been giving her well wishes all week, she will observe the day as she always does: watching a highlight tape of Marty McSorley’s greatest fights.
Guess That Leg
Can you determine whose bloodied and battered leg this is?
Know Your Neighbors
Name: Kevin Foster
Team: Fresh Kills
Nickname: The Planet
Rejected Nicknames: Tiny, Mt. Scoremore, Antoine, -O, The Silver Fox
Origin: Dedham, MA
College: University of Massachusetts-Amherst
Early Aspirations: Catching a Super Bowl winning touchdown pass from Steve Grogan.
Organizations: Red Sox Nation, Fresh Kills Executive Board, The Society in Dedham For Apprehending Horse Thieves
First Job: Maintaining the dams at Mother Brook.
Reason To Love Him: He’s respectful towards women.
Reason To Hate Him: He lost a “Battle of the Sexes” arm-wrestling match to teammate Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst.
Best Known For: His booming shot from the point and one bad knee.
Fast Fact: One time captain of Fresh Kills, “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser, forced Kevin to endure a rigorous tryout before he was offered a roster spot.
Favorite Things: New England Patriots, Sam Adams beer, lavender incense, Autumn foliage, Museum of Bad Art
Favorite Book: Magazines
Favorite Movie: Steel Magnolias
Hockey Comparison: Al Iafrate, for his “all world” talent
Non-Hockey Comparison: Jupiter
Reason The Media Will Continue to Over-hype Him: Because he’s really just a sensitive guy.
Down The Road: After losing several consecutive Nobles/Milton Days, Dedham’s Noble and Greenough School hires Kevin as the new athletic director to “turn the sports program around.” However, upon his arrival on campus, he opts instead to become the faculty advisor of the Microfinance Club (a club devoted to giving interest free loans to developing nations)…because he’s really just a sensitive guy.
Captain’s Commendations:
Cobra Kai: Mariko Nakatani and Becky Pear played the whole game.
Corlears Hookers: The whole team was a defensive gem.
Dark Rainbows: “Jennie Brown is my girlfriend and played a good game.” – Sean Reynolds
Denim Demons (1): Emily Carson filled in on offense when the team needed it.
Denim Demons (2): Gabby Carson overcame a hangover.
Filthy Gorgeous: “I think I played a good game. I had an assist and two shots on net, and yes, I am tooting my own horn for one time this season.” – Monica Russo
Fresh Kills: The defense did a great job of contributing on the offensive end.
Gouging Anklebiters: “Everybody, whatever.” – Phil “Sandy” Donohue
Happy Little Elves: “Shoshana Rudnick played a good game in front of her visiting relations and also genetically engineered a new strain of cactus that can be used as a toilet brush, earning her millions and the undying love of every service station bathroom attendant in the Southwest. She now
lives in Rio Rancho, New Mexico, where she breeds scorpions.” – Ben Chadwick
LBS, Inc.: “Give it to Erica [Lee]!” – Sascha Puritz
Mathematics: Eli Kazin gets the Selke Trophy for the day.
Mexican Standoff: “Amanda [Jenkins] scored a fantastic goal…for the Rehabs.” – Randy Locklair
Mighty Squirrels (1): Tim “(S)crappy” Gray has a cute dog.
Mighty Squirrels (2): “Me, ’cause it’s my birthday.” – Rachel “A-Korn” Greene
Rehabs: Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli celebrates her birthday on Tuesday.
Sky Fighters: “Martin “Ocho Cinco” [Cejka] gets an ‘Ocho Cejka’ for getting ‘Czech-ed’ out of the game.” – Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker
Tuques: Get well soon to Bill Monahan, who had to leave the game in the second half with a knee injury.
Unicorns: Nelson played in net and rocked it.
What The Puck: Susanna Tenney rocks.