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Week 5 Previews

Anklebiters v Lbs

Glnzr: Are the Lbs. even going to play?? Can you believe what THEY did?!?!?

Dingle: Good thing the Rangers play on Saturday this week*. The Rain Gods have been merciful so far, but canceling a game on a beautiful day like last Sunday all but guarantees future smiting. Anyway, this game is a great one to kick off the day. Should be a tight-checking affair with goals at a premium even with the firepower both teams pack. Prediction: 3-2, Lbs. with a late goal from Scotty (who was quite sad to not play on Sunday). 

*If necessary

Steven: I decided not to really write anything, just like Lbs decided not to play last week. I don’t have time for this, and I don’t have time for you.

Can’t pass up the opportunity to repost this. Talk about a modern-day Romeo and Juliet. Biters= Capulets. Lbs= Montagues.

Riots v Butchers

Cat: Butchers are overdue for a win but in fairness they’ve had a tough opening schedule. Well, tough-ish… the Bad Seeds knocked them down in a narrow 2-1 game, and so far the Riots and Bad Seeds have been neck-and-neck. I’m quickly becoming a Riots believer and I think this is going to be another close one with Riots eking out victory.

Hornswoggle: For me, this is one of the few games of the season where we potentially see a real kit clash: heathered maroon (Riots) vs. a lush crimson (Butchers). I’m sure Suz/Amy and Georgine will have a friendly fireside chat the night before to discuss color designations so their players will be well prepared. Anyway—the Butchers are still trying to find their mojo despite coming close last Sunday against the Bad Seeds, while the Riots bounce back to .500, just edging the Rainbows to get two points. Riots’ overall tenacity via high press/blitz may yield dividends, but we shouldn’t cancel out the Butchers’ aptitude to fill seams and maneuver around opponents. Despite what each team’s record is, I agree with Cat about this match being a close one, but I think the Butchers may find a breakthrough in the end, and through extra time.

Hookers v Filthier

Dingle: For all the Watchmen fans out there, I picture Rorschach saying something along the lines of, “In a sleepless city filled with vermin, the streets are lined with Hookers and Filth and evil must be punished.” Sorry for getting dark there—I’ll pass the hockey part of this preview to someone else.

Steven: Hookers came up huge with a big win against the Verts last week. Goalie Jacob kept his five hole covered earning the shutout. CK, Liz, Morgan and Sammi have been stellar, contributing to the team’s strong start. On the other hand, Filthier recently got shellacked by Instant Karma 5-1. Apparently Filthier blames the refs for throwing the game to Karma. However, the hockey analysts who watched the game have other theories on why the game ended in a Filthier embarrassment. Leading theory: Filthier didn’t play well. Hookers win 4-1. 

WTP v Fresh Kills

Steven: Last week, Zac was a brick wall in net and #69 Capalbo scored his first of the season to take down the division one Biters. Faced with another division one team this week, how will WTP fare? According to Zac, WTP needs a full team effort to keep their streak going. Fresh Kills has attendance issues but if George scores two goals again, they may just have a chance. WTP wins 3-2.

Jess: Steven, we all love an underdog story, but respectfully you’re wrong as hellll. When FK decides to show up in full force it’s an automatic win. WTP has better defense than offense and you can’t win games if you can’t score. No offense to the great crew on WTP but I think this will be a FK win 3-1.

Fuzz v Cobra Kai

Jess: Rich, please don’t cancel this game so I don’t have to see another 12am email complaining about Fuzz thx.

Glnzr: Please re-read the Lbs. preview. Did you see what THEY did?!?!?! (3-1 Fuzz no OT)

Steven: see note for Biters vs Lbs. Fuzz will lose because they don’t have Charlotte, who is low key coaching Team USA roller hockey in Argentina. No big deal…. Dojo 4 Fuzz 2.

Bad Seeds v Skyfighters

Hornswoggle: The Skyfighters (nahhh one word, I’m not changing this) are one of the four remaining undefeated squads in the league, next to Karma and the other two teams that decided to fuck off and watch the Rangers game together last Sunday. However, the side in blue will have to do some more convincing to become a real threat to the league, since they frustratingly conceded a point—the first ever!—to The Agents on their last go-round. Bad Seeds have stealthily navigated under the radar of serious media scrutiny thus far, but with a robust three wins. They’re doing something right. Though I absolutely do miss the drunk but amicable Ellery and straitlaced Peaches rallying the troops. Both teams will enjoy a good, clean battle, but the Seeds probably will sprout too late for a chance to come back.

Jess: Oh there’s plenty of media scrutiny for the Bad Seeds, just read the Not Stars from earlier this week! Their wins this season have been against the Rainbows, Butchers, and the Agents—not exactly a test. The Sky Fighters’ schedule has been more difficult facing off against The Demons and Filthier, I predict a Sky Fighter win, 4-2. 

sky [intentional space] fighters, people!!!!!

Gremlins v Poutine

Jess: I feel bad the Gremlins have to play 2 chippy games back to back. That being said, they held their own against the Demons and almost surmounted a comeback. I’d describe their style of play as scrappy and they pass really well together. Both teams are still figuring out their chemistry with new players but I think Poutine will take this 2-1 thanks to their remaining veterans.

Glnzr: Can I pump up Poutine for a bit? I know I’ve always been a Poutine believer but when we played them only their newbies who didn’t know the high stick rules got penalties. Props to Mikey. 3-1 Poutine. 

Rainbows v Agents

CATT: I played against the ’bows and with the Agents as a sub in their respective games last Sunday. (Yes, the word “hero” has been tossed around). Here’s the outsider’s insider perspective:

The ’bows are no joke. Excellent goaltending from the Riots definitely contributed to the Riots win last Sunday. The Agents need to keep the pressure on these guys. Giving them time to set up would be a bad call.

That being said, if the Agents can figure out how many people belong on the court at one time, I think they have a shot…(However, thats is by no means guaranteed given the two too many men penalties they took last game). Also wouldn’t hurt if Greenwald has another huge game. And by “wouldn’t hurt” I mean “it’s absolutely crucial.”

Prediction: Agents learn the rules and take the win 3-2.

JW: The Agents have had a rough go thus far, but them fighting back last week and getting a point gives them some hope in this game. I haven’t played them yet, but I saw a little bit of their game last week and they have some standout players. They just need to move the puck a bit better and the rest will start to click.

I HAVE played the Rainbows and their defense was stifling (also why is Jessica playing D so much lately, and when did she get so good at it??), and their hustle and drive is beyond what I ever recall from previous Rainbows squads (though I have always recalled it from Wes, he still runs around like he is 23 years old). I also watched the ‘Bows last week and it was more of the same.

Prediction: Before last week I would have said Rainbows by a mile, now I will say Rainbows only 5-2 or 4-2. Let’s go with 4-2. 

Demons v Mega Touch

Hornswoggle: Surprised no one filled this article (it’s late Wednesday), really media people?

The way I witnessed last Sunday as a Poutiner, facing Mega wasn’t easy. My teammates and I felt we really grinded for the W amidst the abrasiveness in the last few minutes. They brought that “in your face” hockey the entire 50, and much of their play was efficient. Such is a warning sign for the Demons, just emerging from their first victory over a hapless Gremlins side. Mega has the right personnel to suffocate, pin teams in their defensive zone—the defense will willingly take chances to press forward, pepper shots despite congested shooting lanes, and hustle back if necessary. The Demons will have to exploit this through quick passing, movement off the ball, and manipulating Mega players by drawing them in (so that a Demons teammate is open); all hands on deck, Adam will require everyone’s undivided attention if they stand a chance to filch a point from Mega. Otherwise, it’s “lights out” and Mega tallies another two.

Did I forget to mention this is the 6pm game? Attendance (or lack thereof) can easily tip the scales in the opponent’s favor.

Jess: Having reffed the Demons last week they’ve got some stars on offense (Jeff, Amit, Neil) and bigger dudes to lock it down on defense. That being said, a lot of their goals felt like more of an individual effort while Mega is a team that plays well together and has equally strong offensive and defensive players; and my faves who are better than most of the dudes in the league, the trio of Shelly, Tash, and Courtney. I will give this one to Mega 2-0. 

For anyone who watches The Boys, the episode ‘Girls Get it Done’ where the 3 women supes are beating the sh*t out of the bad guy reminds me of Shelly, Tash, and Courtney beating this sh*t out of p much everyone on a hockey court

Karma v Vertz

Glnzr: I’m starting to think the only reason Fuzz won the last two championships is me and not Cutler. If Austin plays 7-0 Karma. If he doesn’t 8-0. I read the Not Stars. Brianna with the second straight Golden Stick (even if she doesn’t show bc of her wedding). 

Jess: Young, dumb idiots (AK, Kev, Braun) vs Other young, dumb idiots (Jack, Russo, Otis). Skilled women (the Trembles, Brianna, Sarah) vs Other skilled women (Sarah, Cutler, Jaimie). This game will be a fun one to watch but I think Karma has the edge here with their team chemistry and multiple seasons together. The Vertz still need to figure out their lines and get some offensive chemistry going. Oh and also Annie is subbing for Karma so Jack better get ready for his ankles to get broken. Regulation Karma win 3-2.

Meatbox: I don’t usually do this but I’m guaranteeing a vertz win. ??

CATT: Ramy told me that they knew we were watching their last game so they “opted to hide their offensive firepower.” I wonder if that will be their strategy for the whole season or just the first four games….* ANYWHO: Good luck to our friends, the vertz! Prediction: We tie, opt to forgo OT and a shootout, and have a bunch of beers and laugh after the game!

*(No shade, it’s a bold strategy. I know better than to taunt the ‘box. Mostly because the last time I did, he got a breakaway goal and I pulled a hamstring.)

Glnzr: “We tie, opt to forgo OT and a shootout, and have a bunch of beers and laugh after the game!” Can we bring back the other Cat?

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