Week 7 Previews
Filthier v Cobra Kai
Jim Apple: Has Russ let himself go since becoming a married man?? Cobra Kai has been struggling since the wedding and a devastating week 6 loss has many critics wondering if we are witnessing the downfall of the Dojo. Filthier beat the Vertz earlier this year so through the transitive property, this spells trouble for Cobra Kai. Prediction: 5-1 Filthy, Commissioner Russ complains and fires 2 referees.
Cristothehawk: Sure, all the dudes on Cobra Kai might be old and washed up and engaged/married now (read: Russ, Yetter, Will) but don’t count out #ladiesnight with LJ, Sienna, Charlotte (unless Probie makes her go to another wedding – CHAR, BLINK IF YOU NEED HELP), and Brita. Also why not, let’s throw Liam some love since Russ hasn’t been campaigning for him to get media attention at all this season. My point is I think this will be a lot closer than my colleague Jim thinks and The Dojo will win 3-2.
Hookers v WTP
Hornswoggle: Two squads with identical records are seemingly sitting ducks in the same division having scrounged the same amount of points through 6 games. However, the 2-3-4 spots are similar to musical chairs, and you may as well add the last spot (Vertz, depending on their result against Karma) to the mix, meaning no team is safe. This division is the “group of death” in some respects.
This is a rematch game, though—Puck crashed back to earth with a 5-2 loss to the Hookers in Week 5 after besting first division Anklebiters in a 3-1 melodrama in Week 4. All things considered, both Lee and Hoggystyle have been great at the helm for their respective teams, but Zac may feel extra motivated to spur on Henry and the rest of Puck to leave it all on Tompkins (despite the predicted high temps and dew points). My prediction is that Puck takes the two points in extra time. It is a 1pm game so remember to hydrate when necessary!
CATT: that’s a lot of hockey chatter. Here’s the non-hockey preview: WTP has a team dog (or a Cat by the Ron Swanson metric of “any dog under 50 pounds is a Cat”). I have never seen any of the hookers with a dog at the courts. That doesn’t mean they don’t have one, but it does mean they are selfishly withholding one if they have it. We hate that. WTP comes from behind to win because the little chihuahua gives a very inspiring speech at halftime. 3-2 WTP.
Fuzz v Anklebiters
Jess: I told Rich that Fuzz was like the Yankees in that they won too many championships and now it’s boring for everyone to watch. As a lifelong Mets fan, he was understandably upset and requested I compare Fuzz to the 1986 Mets instead. But if I’m being honest, the Biters are more like the 1986 Mets than Fuzz. Scrappy and talented underdogs who party a bit too hard (at Congee Village)— a real team of the people. Let’s hope this game doesn’t break the previous BTSH shootout record.
Prediction: Biters 2-1.
Prediction: Jess is going to be shocked when she does research of the 1986 season and realizes the Mets finished 108-54, killed the Yankees in attendance and was one of the most dominant teams of all time. Fuzz gets revenge for Opening Day and wins 4-2.
Dingle: NYC is the Mets’ town when they’re good. Fight me in the comment section.
Jess: I KNOW THE 1986 METS WERE AMAZING BUT ALSO THEY ARE SCRAPPY PARTIERS LIKE THE BITERS STOP MAINSPLAINING BASEBALL TO ME.
Gremlins v Bad Seeds
Jess: There seems to be not a lot of parity in the 3rd division with Poutine/Mega on top, Demons in the middle, and the Gremlins/Butchers solidly on the bottom. The Gremlins won their only game against the Butchers when Erich was back in town and The Bad Seeds are faring better in league rankings with 6 points to the Gremlin’s paltry 2. This game is a toss up but I think the Seeds have the edge. Great goalkeeping can only get you so far and the Seeds seem to be clicking more on offense. Prediction: Seeds take it 2-0.
JW: Both teams could not be more excited that this is the annual Chodown (while I generally hate puns, I have always accepted this one out of love for both players/teams) which was a longstanding tradition between Gut Rot (who had T. Cho) and the Gremlins (who have C. Cho), and is now a continued tradition with the Bad Seeds. There will be wagers, there will be tequila flowing like water during gameplay, Marcella vs. Rob in a husband/wife battle, Diane and Zach playing together in a husband/wife non-battle, probably beer chugging contests, side bets (Kirky has challenged me to a +/- bet), and surely plenty of other hijinks. Followed by an afterparty with the two teams. If any of the new kids are curious to see what BTSH used to be like, you may want to watch this one.
Prediction: No prediction as I am reffing this game. (The new kids also don’t get this Eli/Derek reference.)
Agents v Rainbows
Steven: Having reffed the Agents’ game last week, I’m compelled to give some love to Jacob who played goalie for Agents. Holy shit, this guy was a freak. I can try to guess the number of saves Jacob made but can’t count that high, so let’s just settle on “mad saves.” At the same time, the rest of the Agents continue to grow and get used to the tough confines of Tompkins. While I think the Agents are a long play the Rainbows are in win now mode, except without the wins. Rainbows get Jess back and a reprieve in their tough schedule on Sunday, 3-1.
Glnzr: Greenwald is the Agents regular goalie and let’s just be honest here. He wants this game bad. At his best, Greenwald can play some really good hockey. I haven’t seen one game for the Agents but with the Rainbows beating the Sky Fighters I can’t see them losing this game. 4-1. Though I’ll be rooting really hard for Greenwald.
Lbs v Fresh Kills
Steven: doubt either team shows up, and even if they do, not close to giving a shit. End result: forfeit
Glnzr: I hope both teams show up. It’s a really tough one to call. Louis and Gabe are an incredible 1-2 punch on D and when Ariel is your 3rd D, you’re friggin good. They have a bunch of players who would be most teams best players. Meg is the best woman in the league and will open up space for the other FK players.
The Lbs. might actually have better top end talent with Sam and Avery but it’s obviously close. Lbs. don’t have the depth FK does but they make up for it with super intensity when they’re all there. Liz will cover Gabe and be effective at doing it. Like every other game in BTSH it comes down to attendance, but if both teams show, I like FK 3-2.
Steven: actually, best of luck to Meg who is moving out of state after this game. We will miss you.
Vertz v Karma
Hicks: Guaranteed vertz win. Minimum goal differential of 4. ????
Hornswoggle: Karma decimated WTP in what we could consider the beginning of a farewell tour for the starlets in the club, AK and Derek. They were the only goal-scorers in that matchup. I’ve been trash-talking Vertz (read: Jack) and have been correct for a majority of my predictions. But a surprise victory against The Dojo was not a thought worth conceiving before last Sunday, yet here we are. You can probably thank Ramy for that.
In this divisional clash I expect nothing other than a barnburner, and you know what: what goes around, comes around, Karma. The top spot is still up for grabs and the thought of the (Per)vertz taking it gives Hicks an election… to handily win, of course. +4 differential might be a stretch but neutralizing the Karma offensive is still a tall order, albeit doable.
Hicks: make it +5. As of now (Wednesday 10am) there appears to be rain in the forecast which makes me wonder why karma repeatedly dodges games against the vertz..
Jim Apple: Pretty straight forward prediction here, everyone is thinking it.
- AK no call no shows. Claims to be too hungover from dinner at margaritaville. In all reality, just licking his wounds from the night before after getting denied by a blonde while waiting in line for the halal cart.
- Sean and his good buddy Ramy combine for 3 points.
- Derek, tanning on a beach, won’t be able to make it.
- Braun, walking his dog, won’t be able to make it.
- Jack, gets sunburnt, doesn’t backcheck.
- Hicks, ate Taco Bell, doesn’t feel good.
- Annie, set to sub for the Vertz, quits at the last minute to sub for Karma instead and scores.
- Vertz win 4-1, 2 empty netters.
- Isaac, cries.
Butchers v Demons
Jess: Can the Butchers please do something scandalous so we stop writing mildly nice things about them in the previews every week? Thanks. Also @ Rachel & Art time to come back I think your kid can crawl now you can leave him at home for a few hours on a Sunday. Amit has been written about in 3 stars twice this season so much like my strategy with Westley from Sky Fighters, I’m going to stop talking about him entirely since he’s so good. Prediction: Demons win 4-1, D-Ro with at least one assist and one complaint when Around the League doesn’t acknowledge it.
JW: After the Demons’ narrow loss at bar trivia last night to [redacted] they’ll be itching for a win this Sunday. The Butchers are still looking for that first win, but they are a far better team than their record shows. They have a lot of good players, but just need to put it all together. They have also struggled with some attendance issues. (Do Rachel and Arthur even live in Brooklyn anymore??) If they all show up, I believe they can hang with any team.
The Demons struggled early but are finding their stride. But, can they keep it going against a determined Butchers crew?
Come for the flurry of confusing red/pinkish/maroon jerseys, stay for the potential upset.
Prediction: If this was a trivia match between these two teams it would be just as tough for me to call as a hockey game between them. Nonetheless, the Butchers get their first win of the season, 3-2. Brady with the game winner.
Mega Touch v Poutine
Steven: Mega is terrifying. Jeff scored five last week and Eric scored two. Julie played the entire game and Tuckman is a brick wall. On the other hand, we have a bunch of soggy French fries. In a strange parallel universe, these soggy fries are winning hockey games. Last time these teams played Mega was hit by an avalanche of gravy, but not this time. Mega crisps Poutine 3-2.
Dingle: For anyone sticking around on Sunday, this will be Sully’s last game in BTSH (barring him and Meg returning back to NYC down the road). Sully, I know you don’t read these, but you were a great captain, a great player, and a great friend. You’ll be missed and can’t wait to grab a Colorado beer with ya soon.
Regarding the actual hockey being played, watch out Mega, because it’s hard to imagine Poutine not rallying around the goodbye tour to win this one. Prediction: The Poutine OGs deliver: Sully, Mikey, Pagsy, Jerome, and JoJo all end up on the score sheet and Poutine edges Mega, 5-4.
23andMia: Sully was supposed to be my legacy in this league. Never thought I would outlast him. Don’t know what the future holds for his “last” game, but in life, I’m predicting good things!
Steven: As someone who may or may not be considered a fierce rival (or former fierce rival) of Poutine, I want to congratulate Sully on a great career. It was really fun playing against you and the Pouts. We had a great little rivalry but always appreciated your friendship.
Riots v Sky Fighters
Steven: Game of the week, hands down. The momentum is clearly on the Riots’ side. First, Riots had a statement shutout last week. Second, it’s hard to beat a team twice. Third, the Sky Fighters showed a little weakness in a LOLShootout loss to the Rainbows.
But those who count out Emily and Company are doomed. The Fighters beat back a surging Riots 3-2 in anticipation of the Pirates of the Caribbean party they are hosting with Karma after next weeks game. #hypetrain
Jess: The Sky Fighters are going to be hungry for a win after a narrow loss last week while the Riots are coming off their second highest-scoring game of the season racking up 5 goals against The Bad Seeds. I’m inclined to think this game will go to OT thanks to an emboldened Riots team and a slightly rattled Sky Fighters, with the Sky Fighters winning in the end.