by various media members

Gremlins v Rainbows

Hornswoggle: If Erich captains the team, first thing he’ll do is rename it “Grahamlins”. Sorry, Jess, I got the team in dijon mustard snagging two points. I’ll be glad if you prove me wrong.

Hicks: Having just played the bows this past Sunday, I can say that is a solid team. Good goaltending, good attitudes, and a bunch of people with really good shots. If the vertz didn’t have Tim in net, our game with them would’ve been way closer. Bows by 3.

Agents v Bad Seeds

23andMia: If The Agents were on a dinner date, they’d have had one bad cocktail and are waiting for appetizers in awkward silence. All to say, establishing chemistry can take time. Something sparks by the end of the main course, but till then, Bad Seeds 5-1.

Steven: I played Bad Seeds last week and they are good. Their offense produced some impressive scoring opportunities while their defense and goaltending was able to keep Karma to three goals. That said, three players from the Agents met us out at Ace for beers and it was really nice to meet them. Bad Seeds win by 4, but hope to see the Agents at the bar. 

CATT: Three agents at the bar means three goals for the agents. It’s a direct correlation. There were no Bad Seeds at the bar, so they probably won’t score at all. On the other hand, they also seemed to put back a few at the courts…not sure what that correlates to. Either 3-0 agents or 4 (twelve packs)-3, with Bad Seeds taking the W. 

Riots v Skyfighters Sky Fighters

Glnzr: I just hope someone finally punches Walker in both eyes so he doesn’t see you spelled the Sky Fighters with one word again. Also I just really want Walker punched, obv. 3-2 Sky Fighters. 

Hornswoggle: yeah nahhh I want him to see single-worded Skyfighters until his eyes fall out of his sockets… much less painful than being punched. Anyway, Skyfighters seem to be on a tear for their first two matches and the Riots, despite the loss to the Hookers, are showing a marked improvement compared to last season. This will be a tight game, but I see the Riots causing a shake-up in the fourth division ranks with a dub.

Steven: The Sky Fighters are the real deal. First they defeat the Demons, then they frustrate Filthier. How do they handle their toughest challenge yet? It comes down to whether the Fighters can rely on (i) KG to execute its fast paced transition strategy; and (ii) Mike Stern to score from half court again. Obviously Suz, Vanck and the rest of the Riots have other plans. They normally run three women on the court at once, talk about a power play. The pundits are asking whether Ian and Margot can make the difference? Or will the Riots rely on secondary scoring from Chunky Monkey their 4 week old kitten mascot who apparently loves drinking from the bottle of glory. 

23andMia: Thisisgonnabeagoodgame

Mega Touch v Butchers

JW: Man I miss Erich on the rink. Oops, is this preview not about the Gremlins? My mistake. Mega Touch are way better than in years past. We played them Week 1 and they were absolutely stifling. The Butchers are having a rough time, but rumour has it that Rachel, Arthur, and Ellis are coming this Sunday. Will Ben, Jessie, and Lionel also come? These are the only things I care about with regard to this game. 

23andMia: Butcher babies are in tow Sunday. Due to all the cuteness, everyone forgets about playing, tugging toes and pinching cheeks when Julie and Olivier’s toddler breaks away, scores a goal, and celebrates in French… game on! Alok continues his streak, Courtney/Shelly/Tash do great things and Mega wins 4-2.

Anklebiters v Fresh Kills

Jess: The Biters hung tough with Fuzz in a 22 round OT shootout yet lost to Mega by 1 goal last weekend (sans Probie). Either Mega is way better than we are all giving them credit for (def true), the Biters can’t win without Probie (def not true) or the blacktop is a cruel mistress and most games can really be up in the air with who wins unless there’s a huge skill deficit. Fresh Kills has an attendance problem so it’s quite a toss up but I’ll still give this one to them, 4-2. 

CATT: guess who started the migration to ace last week? It’s the same person who will score the GWG this week: SARAH MOORE. 4-3 biters.

Demons v Poutine

Jess: shin bones will be broken 

Russo: Both teams are out for more blood than usual this week. Poutine’ coming off a 6-1 loss, and Demons, 9-2. Until Demons can shore up their defense, gotta give the edge to Poutine here. Expect Demon Yeff to have a goal waived off for being in the crease, and Poutine to edge out a high-scoring affair, 6-4.

Glnzr: Karina went to school with my niece so I’m gonna go with 4-3 Poutine. 

23andMia: Can’t stop this feeling that with the Tompkins cracks wider than ever, someone is going to get really hurt by getting their foot caught in a gap and twisting an ankle or jamming their stick in a crack and gouging themselves. There’s a hint of worry this might happen during this match up, which will be undoubtedly hard fought. Do I play Demon’s advocate and say Red takes it? They’ll put up a good fight for sure, but I predict Jerome’s fancy footwork will carry Poutine to safety and the win.

Cobra Kai v Fuzz

Jess: wowowow the rematch from last szn’s finals. #teamsig i’ll try to not be biased but *screaming seagull meme* lets goooo cobra kai. Sadly I think fuzz may take this in another heartbreaker but they’ll have to win it in OT, 3-2. 

Glnzr: I don’t know this meme. But I do know I want revenge for CK beating us in  2019 and 2021. Hope Casca plays in nets bc I don’t like Campbell’s vibes* and I want to score on Casca now that we are D5 teammates. 3-2 Fuzz in regulation.

Steven: Fuzz was the opening team yet did nothing to help set up. 

Glnzr: Hey…if Fresh Kills don’t have to pay their bar tab why should we have to set up?

*Editor’s note: the current state of Campbell’s vibes being good or bad is yet to be determined. 

Meatbox Edit: Campbell’s vibes are always good.

Hookers v Lbs

Hornswoggle: Can I say it? I’ma say it. Hookers getting pounded, boys.

Hicks: WELCOME TO POUND TOWN

Jess: Alright I guess it’s up to me to write something coherent. At this point in the season it’s tough to make comparisons but historically, Hookers > Demons. HOWEVER the Lbs taking the Demons to “pound town” last weekend and the Hookers too-close-for-comfort game vs The Riots has me thinking this game will still be a regulation win in the Lbs’ favor 4-1 if they arrive at full roster strength. Next time someone else do this game preview/ please stop making me write nice things about the Lbs or Frey might think I’m actually rooting for them to win the PBR cup this year. 

Glnzr:  Jess” please stop making me write nice things about the Lbs or Frey might think I’m actually rooting for them to win the PBR cup this year.” JESS IS ROOTING FOR FUZZ!!!*

*Editor’s note: no i am not

Karma v WTP

Russo: Feel like Karma and WTP play each other every other week. 

23andMia: Know what you mean, these are two well-matched teams: skilled, smart and each blessed with good hair. So, if they did play against each other every other week, it might go to Karma one week and WTP the other. If the mighty brother-sister duo Cory and Bri show up, Karma takes it 3-2 in regulation. If not, possibly another shoot out for WTP a la Week 1.

CATT: I subbed for WTP last week for karma points… as in, I am literally hoping WTP forgets which team I’m on and passes to me so that I can score actual points for Karma… However, it’s far more likely that I create general chaos in the D-zone, Steve’s hair makes at least four saves, and Stabel scores the GWG on an inbounds from Bill. 1-0 Karma.

Vertz v Filthier

Glnzr: Oh no, after Vertz dismantled the Rainbows it appears I was wrong and they did steal all our good players. We’re all doomed. But on the other hand…Filthier won’t be tired from reffing so I think I’ll go 5-0 Vertz instead of 7. 

Steven: Poor Tim K was probably promised he would only face 8 shots with a highly charged and talented Vertz team in front of him. Yet, last week he bailed out his team with about two dozen huge saves while Jack and Hicks got the glory for scoring a few goals. This week, he plays his former team, who underwent a near complete turnover in personnel. Vertz win big.

Hicks: I wonder if either team will ask for league subs given it’s the weekend before MDW. That would be a bold move for sure. 

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