By: Rich Glanzer

Last week, I emailed Herman the 3 Hero’s and Power Rankings. I think he thought I was just writing it to him, as they never got published (editor’s note: my bad). I hope he at least enjoyed it. But I am getting paid for this gig, and unlike Nate, I’d like to earn my money. So I will continue to amuse Herman, and add Tarnow to the email and hope one of those two bozos publishes this.

Again, unlike stars in the NHL, 3 Hero’s are better than 1.

1 Hero: Aneury Rivera (Rainbows)

I did not watch this game, so I can’t tell you if these were end to end rushes, or just tap ins after some great passes by Cat, and the ref forgot to give Cat the assists. Maybe I should assume Cat made the great passes and give her the 1 Hero, IDK. But congrats Aneury, and if you would have just gotten one more goal you would have got 2 more Hero’s! Notes from the game: I didn’t watch but it’s great to see 2007 Champion, Sean R. still in the league. As far as I know, his championship dates back the furthest with current players. I’m sure there was a better way to write that grammatically.

2 Heroes: Uri L. (Vertz)

I feel bad for Aneury, because he’s getting screwed that I reffed Uri’s game and didn’t see his. But on the other hand, I don’t at all feel bad for Aneury because he’s now impeding on Uri’s moment and that’s pretty selfish. As for Uri, he had a monster game for the Vertz. In a very tight game vs. the Biters, he took it over with some great passes and two goals. He may have gotten all 3 Hero’s but he cost his team a goal when I was reffing, and a Biter top shelfed a goal and I wasn’t sure if it went in, until he told me it did. Thank you for your honesty, I have a lot of respect for you, but Mama and Papa Hicks are gonna make you do 10 laps around Tompkins when they read this. 

Other notes from the game:
Props to Owen S. who had a monster game. Watching Go get mad at his teammates for hitting him with the ball while trying to deflect/screen the goalie is fun to watch. It’s not their fault Go, you’re not invisible! Tyler has my vote for Rookie of the Year. Sam G., keep your stick down!

3 Heroes: Keigan C. (Fuzz)

First of all, I see why Fresh Kills won the championship last season. FK showed up with only 3 men (Ariel joined them in the 2nd half), and I think 4 women, but they played like they had 3 lines. Much like the Vertz, they spread themselves apart and let the ball do the work. They had a ton of point blank shots and only 2 got past Keigan, who was playing his second career game in net in BTSH. He made two saves where FK had a wide open net, and Keigan literally just dove to make the save. Jeff said it was one of the top 5 saves he’s ever seen, and Gil was more tempered, saying it was a top 5 save he’s seen in BTSH. The biggest compliment came from Ariel who said, “Is that McCracken?” IYKYK.

Other notes from the game:
Claudia is one of the smartest players in the league and if FK shows up with their full roster, they will be tough to beat. Ariel is still in this league. 

Other Notable Performances:

Commissioners, order some more stop watches. Charge every team $20 more bucks and buy a plethora of red balls. Tell Doug to smile more. (Editor’s note: Rich has not caught up to 21st century technology such as cell phone stop watches. He sent me this article via fax machine)

Half props to the Gremlins. Instead of using Cam, Doug, Chris or someone else, they had one of their players put on pads and play against the Dekes. It was a hard fought game and they came out on top. They only get half props bc the goalie never signed in so I don’t know who it was. He may have stolen Aneury’s Hero if they did! But seriously, a lot of respect to the Gremlins who use the FA list and only use league players as subs as a last resort. And good job by Leif and the Dekes. I hope you get your W this year. Keep fighting.

Pags and Ken are a fun line to watch. Pags even has one assist this year! McQuade coming back makes an already incredibly strong Poutine team the team to beat. Jenna is underrated.

Great comeback by the Sky Fighters over WTP. Thank you to Katherine, Max and Susie for watching Hero!

Mega won a very sloppy game vs. Instant Karma. It’s fine, you’re still contenders but I’m moving you below the Hookers until you get your shit together. 

Who is this Jill person that is averaging a goal a game? Keep the vulchers (editor’s note: Yes, this is how Glanzer spelled “vultures” in the draft he sent) away from her, Isaac. Also, what is her email address?

As expected, Cobra Kai is nothing without Amanda Fazio. The only reason they didn’t lose 10-0 is that the players there were able to remember some of her teachings, and only lost by 5.

Filthier beat the Riots 11-1. The game ended with 19 minutes left in the half. They didn’t allow the Riots to use Cam. They literally texted Cam to let him know he can’t sub for the Riots. Aggressive. 

Last week Cam was running late and Filthier refused to let Sky Fighters use a goalie to fill in for Cam. They would rather have played against a team with an empty net, then let someone use a goalie for a few minutes.

Filthier is a talented team and can beat almost any team. They can and have beat my team many times. But they won’t win 2 playoff games because they would rather play an uncompetitive game than allow another team a sub. This isn’t on their captain. It’s on the whole team to let their captain know they don’t want these free/easy wins. Last year they didn’t allow the Riots a goalie in the playoff game. The Riots played with an empty net. Player after player on Filthier whispered to a Riot player, this isn’t what we wanted. Then why didn’t you speak up? Why do you continually refuse to speak up?

Embrace competition and maybe one day you’ll make a playoff run. There hasn’t been one from Filthier in a very long time. There won’t be one this year. And if you are on Filthier and think I’m a dick for saying this, maybe I am. But do you really disagree?

Dave you’re my boy. But the Riots also need to know it’s not on the league to allow you Cam/Doug/Jeff Green etc. I found Keigan on the FA wire. He might be one of the best goalies in the league. Any team could have had him. There are other players who registered as skaters who have said they have played goalie in the past. Email them. Maybe you catch a diamond in the rough. Tom Brady was on the Kelce’s podcast and he said something like, “Great athletes have one thing in common. They don’t blame others. They blame themselves.” 

Go through every FA and find a few people who played goalie. Try them all out.